I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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