Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
