Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
