rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
