Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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