he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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