i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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