I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
