I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
