Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
