Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
