True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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