did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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