I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
