She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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