I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
