she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
