I'm going to jail i love you
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
