your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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