the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
