He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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