So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
