today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
How many fucks given?
0.12846
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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