she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize