Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
this boner is exhausting
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
You're like the curious george of whores
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
