I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
