you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
