anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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