whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
