i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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