Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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