Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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