He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
