her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
