The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
