Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
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