smell my finger.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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