hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
There's always time for handjobs
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Mom said you looked used
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
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