You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
