She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
