Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
