last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
