Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
