I'm laying in your front yard are you home
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
