I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
