Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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