3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
