Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
