So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
