Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
