OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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