i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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