I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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