NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Randomize