he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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