We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
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