Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
