I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Randomize
