i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
