the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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