It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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