he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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