After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
