in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
