My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize