Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
