I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize