You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
