I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
