I seem to have left my pride at pride
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
