She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Randomize
