i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize