He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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