I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Randomize
