your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Randomize
