This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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